Sunday, August 21, 2011

How Was Church?




I'm glad you asked! The choir, (read Pink Floyd), sang through a rousing rendition of the album Animals and then proceeded to call down heaven, as they say, with a glorious romp through Dark Side Of The Moon.

I sat comfortably enthroned, (or is that entombed), on my pew, i.e. coffee house easy chair. The sacraments went down easy this morning, double espresso and a sensible bran muffin, less guilt, less repentance than that ever-tempting cinnamon roll.

The sermon, a disjointed ramble through the day's headlines- the miseries and malfeasances of the night before, until the Spirit Himself gave voice to the Father's heart. Let's just say, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

What was on the Father's mind this morning? The famine in Somalia apparently....

Above, an internally displaced Somali woman attends to her malnourished son at the Banadir hospital in Mogadishu. Photo by Ismail Taxta / Reuters. Below, Relatives of Hassan Abdulkadir Adan, third from left (rear), help to lower the body of his 7-year-old son into a grave in a refugee camp in Mogadishu. Photo by Farah Abdi Warsameh / AP. Photo text courtesy MSNBC.com.


Above, Aden Salaad, 2, looks up at his mother as she bathes him in a tub at a Doctors Without Borders hospital, where Aden is receiving treatment for malnutrition, in Dagahaley Camp, outside Dadaab. Photo by Rebecca Blackwell / AP. Below, a mother mourns the death of her son at the Banadir hospital. Photo by John Moore / Getty Images. Photo text courtesy MSNBC.com.



Above, a malnourished child from southern Somalia is weighed in Banadir hospital in Mogadishu. Photo by Farah Abdi Warsameh / AP. Below, a doctor examines Mihag Gedi Farah, a seven-month-old child with a weight of 7.5lbs (the average weight of a first world newborn), in a field hospital of the International Rescue Committee. Photo by Schalk Van Zuydam / AP. Photo text courtesy MSNBC.com.



Osman Ali Aliyow Mursal digs a burial plot for his four-year-old son, Aden Ibrahim, as men prepare to pray over the boy's body, wrapped in a plastic mat. Doctors were unable to save Aden, who died of diarrhea-related dehydration after four days of inpatient care. U.N. Refugee Chief Antonio Guterres says that drought-ridden Somalia is the "worst humanitarian disaster" in the world. Photo by Rebecca Blackwell / AP. Below, A woman from southern Somalia builds a makeshift shelter from tree branches at a refugee camp in Mogadishu, Somalia. Photo by Mohamed Sheikh Nor / AP. Photo text courtesy of MSNBC.com.



Mulmillo closes the eyes of her two-year-old son Mahmud moments after he died from malnutrition and related complications at a local hospital in Mogadishu. Photo by Roberto Schmidt / AFP - Getty Images, text by MSNBC.com.

So political BS aside, and no religious posturing needed. There will be no altar call this morning, the Christian response to hunger is explicitly mandated in scripture. Here's how we can help.

Whatever we haven't done for the least of these...



Saturday, August 20, 2011

The "P" In PETA Is For...Porn?



Yep. Rueters announced this week that the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is launching a porn site. According to the group, "There will be a lot of girl and boy next door content, but we haven't ruled out celebrities on the site as well." Um....

Sasha Grey, porn star and PETA activist. Her racy ad campaign gained the group much notoriety.

So let me get this straight. To combat the exploitation of animals the group is going to exploit women through objectification? Apparently so. PETA spokeswoman Lindsay Rajt ensures these tactics are cleverly thought out and will get results: "We try to use absolutely every outlet to stick up for animals.... We are careful about what we do and wouldn't use nudity or some of our flashier tactics if we didn't know they worked."

Animal meat bad. Women as meat- acceptable collateral damage. But at least it works, right?

Rajt said, ""We live in a 24 hour news cycle world and we learn the racy things we do are sometimes the most effective way that we can reach particular individuals. Instead of focusing on anti-fur, the porn site will raise awareness of veganism. We really want to grab people's attention, get them talking and to question the status quo and ultimately take action, because the best way we can help the greatest number of animals is simply by not eating them."

The programming will consist of porn interspersed with gruesome images of animal torture and brutality at the hands of humans. Now I am no psychologist or whatever, but this seems like a really, really bad Idea. PETA is going to entice people with porn and then inundate them with images of animal cruelty. Isn't there just the smallest chance that in the human mind these two polar opposite urges may become symbiotically twisted creating a huge upswing in people with fetishes for animals being tortured? Again I am no master of the mind's relationship between visual stimulus and the libido, but if you get somebody all worked up and then show them animals brutally killed it seems to me they are either gonna hate you for ruining their sex-perience or they're gonna develop some bestiality tendencies.

Miss Rajt, I am an animal lover myself, and though completely un-related, a vegetarian too, and if I may be so bold as to tell you your business, the best way for you to ensure that people don't eat animals is not to eroticize the act, even if only by it's proximity to porn. And as a lover of women, a man who fights for the end of sexual tyranny over women, your whatever works philosophy disrespects and endangers your gender.


Friday, August 19, 2011

Meet Susanne Eman. The World's First 2000 Pound Woman?



Susanne Eman wants to be the heaviest woman ever. The current record is 1,600 pounds. The 32 year old from Arizona ingests 20,000 calories a day in hopes to reach half her goal by December's end.



And then she plans to increase her caloric-intake. "I'd love to find out if it's humanly possible to reach a ton,’ she says. That isn't hyperbole. She really hopes to weigh 2000 pounds.




According to the Daily Mail online story, Susanne visits the supermarket once a month with her sons Gabriel, 16, and Brendin, 12, and spends up to eight hours filling six buggies. "It's like a full day's work," said Susanne, who uses a motorized scooter to navigate the store.




Suprisingly Susanne believes she can stay healthy. She adds, "The bigger I get, the better I feel. I feel more confident and sexy. Why shouldn't I push the limits and see how fat I can get and stay healthy?"

"Two years ago I hit 400 pounds because I was losing my battle against weight gain," she said. "I noticed I actually started attracting more men, and it made me feel good."


Susanne and her sister.

Susanne cannot work because of her weight, to stay active she says, "I go for a waddle and do stretches and exercises every day. My muscles need to hold up to my weight, so I have to stay strong. I take my blood pressure once a week, and every day, after I exercise, I take readings of my other vitals. I use a pulse oximeter to measure the concentration of oxygen in my blood stream. And I take my blood sugar levels just like a diabetic. If either of the readings go above a certain level, I'll immediately contact my doctor for advice. If I was to get sick, I've arranged for my sister to take care of my kids."

Susanne's daily 20,000 calorie plus diet...

Breakfast: 6 x eggs scrambled, cooked in butter 468 cals. 1/2 pound bacon 1,168 cals, 4 x potatoes as hash browns 672 cals, 6 x pieces toast with butter 600 cals, 32 ounce cream shake 1,160 cals. Snacking 1 x bag of animal cookies 1,950 cals, 2 liter bottle of soft drink 800 cals, 1 x 10.5 ounce bag of barbecue flavour crisps 1,650 cals, 3 x ham and cheese sandwiches 1,576 cals.

Lunch: 3 x beef, bean and green chilli burritos with 1 x cup of sour cream 1,453 cals. Salad (1 head lettuce, 1 cup cherry tomatoes, 1 cup carrots, 1 cucumber, 1/2 cup ranch dressing, bacon bits, 1 cup crumbled cheese, 1 cup chicken 1,479 cals.

Dinner: 12 x filled tacos + 1 x cup sour cream 4,906 cals, 2 liter bottle of soda 800 cals, Dessert 8 x scoops vanilla ice cream 2,080 cals, 1 x small pan of brownies 1,200 cals.
Total: 21,962 calories

Geez.....

There is so much wrong here. First let me address the majority of the commenters on the Daily Mail Online article thread. You're mean. You are hateful. And with very little exception, you revert to playground taunts and personal attacks to make your point, if you even have a point other than blatant disgust. This woman is desperate for love and attention. She is not psychologically deranged, she is pathologically unhappy. She fills the void in her heart with her drug of choice- food. Her self-abuse and waste is not ok, but please play nice.

Secondly, before I get to where I'm going, Susanne, darling.... There is huge difference between self acceptance and self delusion. You are beautiful, but the way you are made and the way you are making yourself are two very different things. Men may pay you more attention, may fettishize your weight but in the end you are killing yourself, you are destroying your children's chance at normalcy, you may very well be orphaning your lovely boys. Please, whatever it is that has broken your heart, bring it to the One who made you and let him fix it. You don't need to be waif-like and wiry to be beautiful but please, even if it means not getting noticed, do what's best for you and your kids. Or at least do what's right.

Finally.

How do I explain this:


To him...


Or her...



In a world where there are 925 million undernourished people, where a child dies every 5 seconds because of hunger related complications, where there is no food shortage only a disproportionate distribution of that food, this type of excess is unforgivable. It is a slap in the face of every mother who couldn't make enough breast milk to feed her newborn because of her own malnutrition and had to watch that child starve. It is an affront to every child reduced to digging the town dump for food...







Every year Americans alone spend 174 million dollars on obesity related medical conditions. This makes mockery of the half of the world without any access to medical care. The millions of children whose lives could be saved by simple anti-dehydration salts or a mosquito net. This is NOT OK!!!

Humanitarian groups spend much of their energies trying to solicit funding to do their humble work. They must stretch pennies into dollars and turn the most meager rations of rice and beans into miracles of sustenance. And it is often politicians that these groups must petition for funding, the same politicians that allow people with self imposed disabilities to milk the system for the money for their daily feast and the medical care to keep the health risks of gluttony at bay. What is wrong with us?!!?? And not to single out Susanne, her situation is barely unique, but this is freakin' ridiculous!!!

Before my brain explodes. Please support the amazing Megan Boudreaux as she and the good folks at Respire Haiti feed 700 children in Gressier, Haiti every week. You can donate directly for their food program here. From the bottom of my heart....Thank you! And for the people around Susanne that enable her, or have fed her delusions with disingenuous flattery or full fledged exploitation....you are endangering her life and may be making orphans of her children. You suck.

Susanne, you are loved. Praying for you tonight...Praying for us all...



Thursday, August 11, 2011

God Please Kill Me.



For all the girls who have shared their story with me...



We stayed late
To stack the chairs
And sweep the floor
And you were hungry
So we spread out a choir robe
On the altar
And picnicked on the butt ends
Of the unfinished French bread
Of the broken body of Christ
And you, chewing, said you knew
That God loved you
But thought He might oughtta
Raise His standards
And I said, self-loathing
Was kinda hot
And you shot the grape juice
Of the blood of
The new covenant
Right out your nose
And then you cried right through
Everything your dad ever did to you
As the gathering shadows
Further emaciated
The Son of sorrows
On the large brass crucifix
Above the baptismal pool
And you wept
The most honest prayer
That had been prayed
In that place all day
God please kill me



God hears your broken hearts, your healing is in His arms.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The ABC's of Civil Society. Or Coffee Shop Patrons Et Al.


I spend a lot of time in coffee shops. Espresso, free internet, and espresso being the top three reasons. There are certain traits that make for a great coffee house. It can't be overly bright, can't have bad, mass produced art on the walls, can't have a muzak system oozing emasculated versions of popular music into the air. But all of this can be somewhat forgiven if the patrons are friendly, intelligent, engaged, and polite.

Last night, in the throes of boredom, I pulled into a Starbucks (T-Bones my regular haunt was closed) to borrow their WiFi and within a few short minutes my coffee house experience was sorely compromised. In an open letter to the offending individuals, I hope that by highlighting their grievous behavior it may lead to less of the same in the future. The letter, as follows:

Dear Person A, please do not park in handicap spots. They are not for you unless you have a physical disability that makes traversing a parking lot a painful chore. If you are merely lazy, as I assume you are, since you just walked spryly to your seat, then kindly move your vehicle.

Person B, if you might abstain from your vulgarity and raunch infested ramblings as there are children within earshot. Perhaps like person A, you have the inability to perceive your surroundings, you do not see the child, the one that is six feet from your locale, the one directly in front of you, as obvious as, say, bold blue lines paralleling a vehicle.


Hattiesburg Artist Spence Townsend's epic mural on T'bones' west wall.

Person C, your blue tooth headset is sooooo 2007. And although I have a penchant for nostalgia, 2007 was not a good vintage. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, quit talking loudly to the air. If you are driving then I am the first to commend your responsible citizenry using your hands-free device, but if you are in a coffee shop, please refrain from this awkward monologue, this one-act play of intermittent pauses and incomplete thoughts that do not segue into other incomplete thoughts. Your volume only serves to emphasize the mundane nature of your half of the conversation. Brevity being the essence of wit, you have far exceeded those parameters, and now, the rest of us can only hope you have forgotten to charge your phone.




Person D, your mom does not work here. Bus your own trash. Or tip accordingly. Yes you did just pay 5 dollars for a very bastardized version of some formerly proud Italian coffee drink, but that does not give you carte blanche to be a slob.

Person E, berating the barista will not give you the satisfaction you are demanding, nor that which you feel you deserve. It will however get your drink spat in on some subsequent visit. That is not a threat, that isn't a promise, that's just payback. Subsequently, please stop acting as if you have experienced some great injustice. There is no conspiracy to make your beverage wrong. Perhaps your finely tuned palate is just too precise for this establishment. All apologies.

Person F, forgive me for breathing your air. For even being seen in your peripheral. If I could be unborn, I would at this moment do so. Needless to say, if ever I am on fire, I would not imposition you to waste a single drop of any of your bodily fluid to ease even my slightest discomfort at being ablaze.


Live music at T-Bones featuring Scott Chism and The Better Half. The voice of an angel mingled with the heart of an outlaw. (photo by Sam Miller of Blue Healer Music)

Person G, no matter how many times you tell your racist joke, it's still not funny, it still reveals the limited scope of your intelligence, your deep-seated insecurities, and your latent fear of all that is not homogenized. I have to this point refrained from any and all judgments on your breeding. That could however change at any moment.

Person H, your description of religion, more like an autopsy, was a lot like talking to an oral hygienist about kissing. While factual, and anatomically precise, it disemboweled any and all romance from the act. Your Greek pronunciations, while endearing with your slow southern drawl, were in fact lost on us, your English-speaking coffee house congregation.



Person I, thank you for the nice tract on the evils of rock and roll. I would be glad to throw it away for you. I'm not sure what is more inane, the fact that you profiled my long hair or the fact that the illustrator of your little comic strip sermon did. If you are the same person, and I'm not saying you are, quit leaving those other tracts around that look like five dollar bills. If you want people to convert, use real 5's and write a scripture on them. Also, if you ever leave a fake five for a tip for the waitress making $2.25 an hour, the one with three kids and a deadbeat old man, God's gonna give you the pox. No, not really, but Imma ask Him to.

Person J, and person K, rent a room. I have seen this reality show. Your public displays of affection are merely cries for help. J, she'll never get your "art". And K, to be honest, there may very well be nothing to get.


Joe Van Zandt, one of my favorite songwriters who along with his lovely wife, is a long time friend of Conspiracy Of Hope.


Person L, loudly talking politics in public, well it's a lot like a bathroom exhaust fan, only in reverse.

Person M, your ringtone is soooooo rad. Nickleback is sooooooooo rad. You should probably just not answer that call and let the rest of us hear the hook one more time...

"Screamin' no!
We're never gonna quit, ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go 'cause everybody knows
We're just a couple animals"

If ever there has been a reason to attack Canada....or 4...
Person N, the perfume you're wearing is really nice. I will think about it later tonight while it's still burning my eyes, still lingering on my taste buds, still clinging to every fiber of my clothes.

Person O, there is a logic, an etiquette, a method to the madness of waiting in line. While understandably nuanced and potentially cumbersome to the unintiated, here are some helpful tips. The following are never ok: 1. Your loud exasperated sighs at the slow speed of the line's movement. If you do not have the time to wait, don't. Or get here earlier, or quit booking your schedule so tight. I know you are important, that the great machine of civilization will grind to a halt without your prompt attention, but since you are so important, maybe you owe it to the rest of us to quit taking so many coffee breaks. 2. You will not move the line quicker by your proximity to the person in front of you. If I can feel your hot breath on my neck...too close. If I can tell what you have in your front pockets without looking...yep, you guessed it, way too close.


More of Spence's incredible art. He has donated generously to Conspiracy Of Hope for our art show fundraisers. He is also a talented musician. Check out he and his brother's band Kookaburra!?

Person P, Q, and R, at first I thought you three were script writers for Desperate Housewives or Jersey Shore, but then I realized you were just viscous gossips. Please refrain from airing the dirty laundry of your friends, family and neighbors. Though by your ecstatic tone it is evident that you live vicariously through their sordid lives, please remember they are somebodies child, parent, or spouse. When and if it happens to you or your loved ones you'll see there really is no "fun" in dysfunction.

Person S, while ingenious, using a fork as a back-scratcher is really quite uncouth. If this were a camp-out or a locker room, high fives would be in order, but there are other people here trying to eat. But if you must persist in scratching your back with your eating utensil, please, for the love of all that is holy, refrain from eating with it afterward.

Person T and U, if you continue with your unfettered use of sugary pet names and syrupy baby talk you're going to send the whole lot of us into a diabetic coma.




Person V, although it may be hard to believe, a human sneeze travels at about 60mph. The fastest sneezes have been recorded at well over 120 mph. I'm no mathmatologist, but the distance from your nose to my face is like 20 feet. That means in like a hundredth of a second....well....just cover yer friggin' nose. Gracias.

Person W, that dry gurgling sound at the end of your straw means your drink is finished. I know it seems like there should be more, but there's not, and there's never gonna be. Just walk away man. Just walk away.

Person X, thank you for being such a willing and amicable ambassador for America. But the person to whom you are speaking is not hard of hearing, nor illiterate. They merely speak another language. Please stop talking loudly in long drawn out monosyllabic sentences. The dumb look on their face is merely one of astonishment and embarrassment and not ignorance as you might suppose.

Person Y, your conspiracy theories of government complicity in covering up alien involvement in fixing major sporting events and of stealing patents, like yours for the perpetual motion machine, is well founded. In fact I am quite sure that the man, let's call him person Z, the one with the shades sitting covertly in the corner, the one snoring loudly, pretending to be asleep, is following you. Yes, that one, with the ominous wristwatch that as we both know is a mind reading device. You should probably leave, quickly. Before you make anymore children cry with your tales of CIA plots to euthanize the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Justin Beiber.

And to all, as Groucho Marx once said, I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. So stop by T-Bones sometime, the coffee's absolutely amazing and the people are just plain lovely. Honest.



Saturday, July 23, 2011

The 27 Club.





I remember where I was when Kurt Cobain died. I remember feeling my generation had lost an important voice. I remember the knot in my stomach for days. I remember going on the air that night (I was DJing then) and announcing his apparent suicide. I remember trying to conjure something authentic, hopeful, some tangible words of comfort. I loved Nirvana. Prayed for Kurt all the time. But that was years ago and time makes you forget. And then today, Amy Winehouse's death was announced and the memories came back around.








The 27 club. Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Cobain and now Amy Winehouse. The Doors frontman predicted it..."it's better to burn out then to fade away."

Today, with the news of a mass shooting in Norway, a car bombing there, trains derailing-32 dead in China, and Miss Winehouse's death heavy on my heart, I walked around New Orleans. I sulked through the D-Day exhibit, saw the worst of what men can do to each other, the death machines, the violated children, the death count unimaginable. I heard the tales of the heroes, the good guys, the liberators...I am thankful for their sacrifice but war stains everyone, scars nations for generations.


Child victim of the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. The war ended, but the wounds remain.

Later I saw the homeless as they slept under the interstate, as they lined up for a free meal, as they sat, staring blankly into the gray fog of despair and I teared up. I always tear up. I mean I can be in the middle of a crowd and see suffering and I'm choking back the tears.




Then I hear this man yelling at his son, his 4 year old son. And he says. Shut the hell up motherf*&%er" and I'm reeling from the blow of it, from the hate everywhere.

92 people dead in Norway. Some as young as 16, dead! And they are saying this sociopath was a "christian".


Anders Behring Breivik, the 32 year old shooter. The police identified him as a right-wing fundamentalist Christian.

While other "christians" are saying "good riddance" to Amy Winehouse, saying she got what she deserved, just like there were those that reveled in Cobain's suicide, and the rock stars before him. Calling it the judgement of God.

Well I'm tired. I'm tired of apologizing for Christians. I'm tired of people saying they are Christians and using the cross as a blunt instrument. I am tired of the violence. I am tired of the hate. I am tired of the children taking the brunt of our wrath, growing up in a vacuum of lovelessness and then putting guns in their mouths, needles in their arms. I am tired.

I love Jesus. He is wonderful beyond wonder. I believe with all my heart He is the way to the Father. But it's getting harder to be comfortable with being called a Christian.

C'mon church! Love! Love like He loved you. Love without fear, without reservation, with reckless abandon. Take the 163 million orphans and the millions of widows into your hearts and homes. Rescue the oppressed, the 27 million enslaved. Divest yourself from the treasures of this world, invest yourself into the souls of men. It's been 2000 years since Christ showed us how, showed us what love looks like. Since He traded the glory of heaven's throne for a bloody cross, the royal diadem for a crown of thorns, the company of worshiping angels for the taunts and curses of hell's wretched host.

Sorry for the sermon, like I said, I'm tired.



Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Rich Eat Gold While The Poor Eat Dirt.



Haiti's per capita income is around 1,100 dollars US. Same as this Louis Vuitton iPhone case...



And this bagel...




...created by Executive Chef Frank Tujague for New York’s Westin Hotel. The bagel is topped with white truffle cream cheese and goji berry infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves.

And that's just Haiti.... who grows dearer my heart everyday.




Then of course there is the unfathomable, unconscionable statistic, that every year 14 million children die from starvation.





Only made more perverse by the fact that while those children starve, restaurant patrons can purchase the curry dish below for the bargain basement price of 3200 dollars.





The curry dish was made as some sort of twisted tribute to the DVD release of Slumdog Millionaire, a movie that featured prominently the trafficking of slum dwelling children. Bombay Brassiere "packed this curry platter full of the most expensive ingredients they could find. Devon crab and white truffle and a half tomato filled with Beluga caviar and dressed with gold leaf are just the start of this lavish dish. A Scottish lobster, also coated with gold, four abalone and four shelled and hollowed quails’ eggs filled with even more caviar round out the dish."

Or this 4,200 dollar pizza...



The 12 inch pizza pie is "densely packed with an assortment of some of the world’s most expensive food ingredients, such as lobster marinated in cognac, caviar soaked in champagne, sunblush tomato sauce, Scottish smoked salmon, venison medallions, prosciutto, and vintage balsamic vinegar. In addition to all these fine ingredients, it’s topped with a significant amount of edible 24-carat gold flakes."

(This is where a string of gratuitous invectives would be if my conscience would allow.) Gold, on the food, to eat. GOLD. ON THE FOOD. TO EAT!!!! Of all the elitist- rub starvation in the nose of the poor- acts of mind numbing, soul crushing callousness. They're eating GOLD!!!!

God save us.

Or if you prefer fresh fruit and have 6,100 to 23,000 dollars burning a hole in your $675 (three times the per capita income of the Congo) Renna USA Zip around Wallet you can purchase either of the following...






Then of course there is Almas Caviar...



...at 25,000 dollars a kilo in a 24 Karat gold tin. Or the most expensive food, that is more expensive per ounce than the ever so delicious gold, an Italian White Alba Truffle....



...a little over 160,000 dollars US. For one. One truffle. Dug up by a pig. 24 Karat gold flakes are extra.

So, let's recap. In a world where 14 million children die every year from starvation the discriminating taste bud can breakfast on eleven hundred dollar bagels, smeared with 25,000 dollar caviar, with a side of 23,000 dollar cantaloupe, and wash it down with Kopi Luwak the most expensive coffee in the world, made from coffee beans eaten, partly digested and then excreted by the Common palm civet, a weasel-like animal. 600 dollars a pound, or 50 dollars a cup.

But for those of us with duller palates... the country where all-you-can-eat buffets litter the suburban sprawl like Coors cans after a NASCAR Race. Americans spend 174 billion dollars a year on obesity related health care. That's 174 billion dollars annually, not on treatment for malnutrition due to under eating, but 174 billion dollars because we eat TOO MUCH.

We Americans also waste an astounding amount of food — 96.4 billion pounds- an estimated 27 percent of the food available for consumption. According to a New York Times story, "The Department of Agriculture estimated that recovering just 5 percent of the food that is wasted could feed four million people a day; recovering 25 percent would feed 20 million people." Or the entire nation of Haiti, twice over.




And then there is this. MLE, or the Major League (of) Eating is the world body that oversees all professional eating contests. According to their website: "[t]he organization, which developed competitive eating and includes the sport's governing body, the International Federation of Competitive Eating, helps sponsors to develop, publicize and execute world-class eating events in all variety of food disciplines. MLE-sanctioned eating contests provide dramatic audience entertainment and offer an unparalleled platform for media exposure.....MLE promotions generate more than a billion consumer impressions worldwide each year."



WHAT!!! There are enough leisure class sheeple watching sanctioned gluttony that it merits its own organization, let alone one of this size!

I really need to get on a plane to Haiti before I have a coronary.

Dear MLE, it's fans, sponsors, contestants, and anybody who thinks this is OK, REALLY?!?!? You live in a world where every day 38 thousand children die from starvation. That's one every 2 seconds. Thought you might like to know that while you are making a mockery of them they don't know it, they're not watching you eat 60 hot dogs in twelve minutes, they're too busy dying!!!

Here's one of the MLE's star "athletes" Takeru Kobayashi:



I especially like the way he is carried around like royalty. But what really sums it up for me, the whole attitude and perversity of it, is the "consumer impression" left by someone under the video:

"Lol, put a starving kid from Somalia in that contest."

This is where I would normally quote scripture, grow increasingly sanctimonious, and reach a screaming fevered pitch perched precariously atop my little soapbox. But this should suffice.

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — "It was lunchtime in one of Haiti's worst slums and Charlene Dumas was eating mud. With food prices rising, Haiti's poorest can't afford even a daily plate of rice, and some take desperate measures to fill their bellies. Charlene, 16 with a 1-month-old son, has come to rely on a traditional Haitian remedy for hunger pangs: cookies made of dried yellow dirt from the country's central plateau."








"When my mother does not cook anything, I have to eat dirt three times a day," Dumas said. Her baby, named Woodson, lay still across her lap, thinner than the 6 pounds, 3 ounces he weighed at birth." --from the Associated Press

Shame on us.