Sometimes, sometimes I am soooooo over me.
So yesterday this lady asks me for a ride. Her car is broken down, or whatever her story is, doesn't matter if it's true. So I say sure. Load up friend. And we're driving, and it's obvious this girl's lived kinda hard. All the tell tale signs of drug abuse. And I know I need to say something. But I don't.
Instead I make small talk. Real small talk. The weather, the economy, then when we're about to mile number two and she's determined I don't have a lady in my life, she says..."You play?" To which I'm like..."Play?" To which she grins and says "you know friends for the evening. Helping each other not feel so....lonely. Everybody's happy."
Then as I politely defer, she asks if I smoke weed, asks if she can borrow six bucks for some Lortabs. She's got a bad headache and she's busted. I tell her I can't. She says, "You're some kinda straight edge" and laughs. I force a chuckle and all the while I'm thinking, it took her maybe three minutes to boldly offer me the use of her body for the evening, for her to admit she uses drugs, needs them for her "head ache". And did I offer her the hope I have in Christ. Did I at the very least ask her if she knows He loves her? Did I offer to pray for her "head ache"?
No. I just dropped her off to meet her "uncle" at a truck stop.
And then when she said, "you were a real Godsend, that woulda been a looong way to walk." I just smiled sheepishly like the coward I am and drove away. God sent me alright and I blew it. Geez.
Same boat brother! last time I "helped" someone homeless,I gave him food but nothing more than some trite christianese.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annabelle. I speak Christianese fluently it seems....geez.
ReplyDeleteyeah I hear ya on that. Last night I let a friend vent everything. He yelled, screamed, cried, and cursed. I said very little, though I disagreed with what seemed to be everything he said. I had no idea what to say. I knew he did not need any more Christianese, but I do wonder what Jesus would have to say. The words in red are so often not what we would expect, so it is hard to emulate them. Or maybe I did know what to say, but my sin (in a variety of ways) gets in the way
ReplyDeleteI have stared, shamelessly, at an opportunity to share the gospel and watched it walk away.
ReplyDeleteI've also done the opposite. You have, too. So why the self-inflicted guilt trip? Are we always obligated to share the gospel in every situation? If we "fail," does that mean that God can't take another opportunity? What if he used you to "water" instead of "sow" by your witness of not using her, but just providing assistance with no ulterior motive?
Perhaps you knew that you couldn't start a relationship with her and that talking too deeply to her might open doors that would be awkward to close, and that she could coercively use your "witnessing" to her as leverage to get you in an uncomfortable spot.
Perhaps God was protecting you.
Maybe the Holy Spirit was stopping you from starting a conversation that would go nowhere.
Maybe your prayers for her would do more.
Don't be legalistic about an obligation to witness. That post-guilt that you are feeling--God doesn't want us to be motivated by guilt.
My personal take away from this was that you provided a service to her that she might have "prayed for," and she felt "heard." Now pray for her salvation. God can make the rocks cry out to her. He doesn't need you to make the gospel known to her. Your witness of refusing her might have been enough.
I will pray for this woman tonight. Thank you for sharing.